I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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