now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's always time for handjobs
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
