So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
