I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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