Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
