No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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