The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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