i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
