Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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