I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
