So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she pinky promised me she was 18
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
