I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
