you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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