Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
