Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
