I wanna bring you to show and tell
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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