Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
