My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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