I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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