PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
