Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
