Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize