my vag is so smooth its legendary
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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