Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
