Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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