He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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