and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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