I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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