Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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