ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
