if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was like eating out sand paper
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
