when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
