I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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