Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I love you.
Bad choice
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
