Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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