Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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