Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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