Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
