i don't like sucking hair
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
