I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
