And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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