I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
