he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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