I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
