stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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