my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
