you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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