i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
