My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
