ya dads aren't the best wingmen
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
