Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
