She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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