Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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