I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
