if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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