I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
