I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
