I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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