A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
