they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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