people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Found the puke drawer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
