After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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