should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
