I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
