I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
