She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
