she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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