I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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