How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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