It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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