Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
