WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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