i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
